In Pursuit of Happiness

SEMINYAK ~ What is happiness? Being able to create what you want? Being able to appreciate and enjoy what you have? Or somewhere in between? Program yourself to be happy, here.

Two lady tourists came to see me, feeling unhappy and frustrated, each wanting to conceive a child yet having difficulty. As we explored their subconscious fears and beliefs in a transformational healing session, we discovered the main root of the problem was simply the belief:  I am having difficulty in conceiving. Our truth creates our reality so this was creating the problem.  Interestingly, difficulty in conceiving isn’t just about having babies – it also relates to our ability to conceive of things – to imagine them as being possible and thus to create them. The ladies were having a lot of trouble imagining themselves with babies – instead focusing on difficulties and costs. If you have trouble imagining your life the way you would like it to be, or creating what you want, then embrace the belief using the process below.

Fear of Loss

Another fear which can prevent you creating what you want is when your inner child fears “I’m afraid of being taken away.” You will fear losing things, or being depleted, which can stop you before you’ve even started creating, and also, you may fear “I’m afraid of my child being taken away,” which causes the fear of losing one’s creations (so again, it is hard to begin creating).

Stephen, a client from Belgium, came to me feeling unhappy about his purpose in life. It transpired he had two conflicting beliefs: I must have a purpose (because we all deserve one, of course) and I must have no purpose (i.e. I must be purposeless and useless – which he had decided as a result of a comment from his mother). These conflicting beliefs cancel each other out and together form the feeling purposeless-ness. To overcome this, simply embrace it using this belief process:

Say aloud:

I choose to believe/feel purposelessness

I love myself when I believe/feel purposelessness and I embrace it and I surrender.

Relax and drink water.

Positively Happy Beliefs

Program yourself for happiness with these. As you embrace the negative belief below, this installs the opposite, positive belief in yourself. You only need do it once.

I must not be perfectly happy, healthy and loved

I must not be grateful for all I have and am

I will not enjoy and appreciate what I have

I must not/may not be loving myself really

I may not be happy and I must have to pay for it

I’m afraid of contentment

Happy/Unhappy Logic

Here is a common subconscious mind mix-up. See if it is true for you: Feelings are not real. Only real things have value. Therefore feelings are not valuable. I feel stupid when I’m not valuable. So I will feel stupid whenever I have feelings. Happiness is just a feeling. Therefore happiness is stupid. I don’t want to feel stupid and not valuable. Therefore I must not really want to feel happy.

Healing Mood Swings

I have discovered that mood swings can be caused by conditional beliefs – a stream of connected beliefs or feelings that kick in when a certain condition is met. For example, if you subconsciously believe “I must be useless on my own,” then as soon as you are on your own, you will feel, inexplicably, useless. You may not realize that the aloneness is what has triggered the feelings of uselessness and wonder why you feel so awful. This we label a mood swing, but it’s just subconscious programming. You are programmed to feel useless when alone. As we know, subconsciously, how to fix the problem (don’t be alone), we may grab a relationship to make ourselves feel okay. But if we could just discover and release this inner programming, we could take a bit more time choosing a suitable relationship, and enjoy being alone.

By the way, the cause of this belief is usually an overbearing parent – who also believed the same thing – who clung to you as a child, needing you, and projected their uselessness onto you. In families, we pass on our beliefs through our behavior. Collectively, as “soul groups,” we work on overcoming them together in time. A group effort. In families, we also pass on the tendency to develop the diseases that relate to certain beliefs. The belief comes first, then the illness. We carry our beliefs with us, into our next lifetime and we often incarnate back into the same family, hence the illusion of inherited diseases. Actually, it’s the beliefs we bring that cause the disease to occur.

In computer programming terms, a conditional statement is where two things are linked together. This is how the logic looks:

If (condition A) = true, then (condition B).

So, in this example, we have If alone = true, then useless also = true.  Other common examples (yours may be different, even conflicting):

Fat = Stupid

Old = Ugly and Unattractive

Intelligent = Shrewish

Mother = Old, unsexy

Young = Foolish

Spiritual = unsexy

Hot = Sexy (hence wild tropical holidays)

Dark = Afraid (hence racism – we project our fear of the dark onto those with dark skins)

Dirty = Common

You can’t have one without the other. So, in the above examples, if something triggers you feeling foolish, you will also feel young (hence, you may subconsciously enjoy feeling foolish, as it makes you feel young). If you feel stupid, you may start eating (so you also become fat). If something triggers “oldness,” you will suddenly feel unattractive, (and any other feelings you have linked to “unattractive”) and so on. It’s a chain reaction. We have whole strings of these conditions, things we have inadvertently linked which don’t necessarily belong together and cause whole baskets of feelings. Hence mood swings and “illogical” feelings, depressions and moods, once something hits the trigger.

Try this to discover what some of your conditional links are:

Relax, breathe and imagine you are sitting at a card table in a bridge school with lots of other people – all the readers of this column. You are playing cards with an elf with big pointy ears and a pointy nose. He has a Happy Families pack, with brightly colored illustrations that he is turning over in front of you. Together you are discussing the cards, choosing, sorting and grouping them, putting them in piles. Continue to play with the cards, working with the elf, arranging them for as long as you want. Swap a few cards with neighbors if you need to. When ready, thank the elf and shake his hand. He takes a sharp pencil from behind his ear, licks it, smiles and ticks a number of green boxes on a white score card for you, giving you a record of what you have just done. You take the card to the register, where it is run through a machine with green lights on which staples it with a receipt.  When ready, gently return with the card and reflect on what you have just discovered.

Fear of Confrontation

A common fear which can keep you stuck in situations which are expensive emotionally and physically is fear of confrontation. It can keep you from asking for what you want and block your happiness. Embrace the belief: “I must avoid confrontation at any cost” to clear it.


Purposelessness (embrace the word)

Suffering must be my new purpose in life

I’m having difficulty conceiving

I’m afraid of being taken away

I’m afraid of losing my child

I must avoid confrontation at any cost

I’m afraid when I confront, it’s all goes downhill

Intangible things have no value

Relax, breathe and find yourself sitting in a flower garden with a wizard, at a card table. He shows his wide sleeves are empty, then makes magical passes over some large playing cards with a magic wand.  You watch him effortlessly manipulating the cards in the air. Then he nods and invites you to pull a card from the deck. You choose a card and place it face up on the table. The figure on the card animates as you watch. The wizard lays some more cards besides and they all begin to move and interact. Watch the playing card figures for a while. The wizard then blows into his fist and produces something. Continue to watch as long as you wish. The Wizard gives you a gift, and you thank him and say goodbye. When ready, gently return to the room.

My healing music is now available at Cozy for you to try (address below). It evokes the Theta healing brainwave pattern. I’d love to hear your feedback on how you found this, or any topic of interest to you – win a CD if your query is answered here.

 (Names and details mentioned have been changed to protect identities.)

NEXT ISSUE:  Inner Child Healing


Jelila is an international healer and intuitive guide who practices in Asia and Australia. She is now in Bali, offering inspiring transformational coaching, healing, and workshops. Try/buy Jelila’s healing music at Cozy: Jl. Sunset Blok A/3, North Simpang Siur, near Kuta roundabout. Tel: 0361 766762. If you have a question you would like answered in this column, write to Jelila at Bali Tel:  +62 (0) 81 239 43354.

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