A More Confident, Assured You
The Bali Times
SEMINYAK ~ Self-confidence and certainty may seem to be natural gifts, but actually they come from some deep ideas we hold within us.
David came to me needing help with self-confidence, feeling uncertain about many things in his life â€“ his girlfriend, money, whether to stay in Bali, his job.Â In a transformational healing session, we explored his feelings and discovered he felt unsure of himself at a very deep level â€“ in fact, he felt unsure of whether he was even meant to be here, on Earth, and of whether there was even any benefit in him being here. He cried a little when he realized he felt that.
David had been seeing his deep feelings about himself projected outwards in the physical world around him â€“ it was creating feelings of uncertainty in his relationships, work – everything he looked at. He just hadnâ€™t realized how he felt deeply within, which was the root cause of all these feelings.
Often the â€œthingâ€ itself is not the actual problem â€“ i.e. the job, the relationship, etc. It is how we deeply feel about our very self that creates the perception of a problem with those things. Change the belief, and all the â€œthingsâ€ magically also change.
The poignant, plaintive belief â€œIâ€™m not sure thereâ€™s any benefit in my being hereâ€ is usually the inner child talking â€“ a part of us that is often unheard, unnoticed and forgotten. There are two important meanings to this belief â€“ firstly, uncertainty about personal usefulness, which creates pain and affects self-esteem and confidence. Secondly, doubt as to whether any benefit will be received by being here (this creates difficulty with cash flow and receiving benefits of any kind, and also brings the pointlessness and dejection that David was suffering).
I guided David to change the beliefs using the process below, which you can try too. The process works by making you consciously aware of erroneous or limiting beliefs that you have unwittingly decided are true. Let me know how you get on â€“ Iâ€™d love to hear from you.
We learn like this: experience â€“ decision about meaning of experience â€“ further experience â€“ decision about meaning of experience based on this experience plus past learning from experience (and so on). A major problem occurs when we have made an erroneous, unhelpful or even harmful decision about an experience. A mistake in programming. This decision remains programmed in our aura, and is a part of our future decision-making tools. It then attracts more and more unattractive or unfortunate experiences that continue to echo and expand the original mistake. Â This is what we mean by being caught in a pattern. To release the pattern, you have to find the original error and reprogram it. You can do this either by simply living and making discoveries from your experiences (the â€œahaâ€ moment) or you can be guided to find the error and reprogram it much more quickly through transformational healing. Once the erroneous belief is revealed to the conscious mind, it is no longer hidden in the subconscious, is no longer true for you and no longer has any effect.
Relax, breathe and find yourself in a garden, surrounded by wild flowers.Â Children are running and playing all around you, picking the flowers and laughing in sunlight. You are tall, grown up and male. In your trouser pocket, you feel a smooth wooden flute. You take it up and begin to play a lilting tune. The children run to follow you and you begin to walk through the grass, through the woods. Eventually, you arrive at an earthy clearing, where something is on the ground â€“ a note, surrounded by little flowers. You pick it up and read it, taking it in. The children have gone and a deer comes. You pick up flowers and decorate the deerâ€™s antlers. The deer whispers to you and sits down. You sit on a rock by a fire which magically appears, and play for the deer. Continue as long as you wish and when ready, return to the room bringing your discoveries with you.
Davidâ€™s friendships were concerning him. â€œI always seem to be pushed around by my female friends. I feel I have to do what they want. I donâ€™t question it, and I donâ€™t know why,â€ he said.
We explored Davidâ€™s family background, and it turned out that he had felt controlled by his mother and sisters. Internally, he was still feeling under their control, even though his mother and siblings were not in his vicinity. We released the belief â€œI feel controlled by my mother and sisters; Iâ€™m afraid of controlling my mother and sistersâ€ to free David from this. Interestingly, the way we feel about our parents, siblings, etc. gets projected onto other people we have relationships with â€“ in Davidâ€™s case, his women friends. He felt much freer, internally, once we had made these changes.
You can also try freeing â€œI feel controlled by my child; Iâ€™m afraid of controlling my child,â€ which releases inner child/parent relationships and is also excellent.
Helena was having great difficulty with boundaries. â€œI feel I must help every hungry dog – I donâ€™t know where to stop!â€Â Justine, similarly, was having trouble with her childâ€™s behavior: â€œI feel responsible, and when she misbehaves, I feel itâ€™s my fault!â€ The belief â€œIâ€™m not sure where I endâ€ takes care of this one. It allows you to know where your boundaries are. It helps with uncertainty about dying, or about how long your life may last (when you might end).
Thus, it helps you feel confident and self-assured – for how can you be confident about yourself when youâ€™re secretly worrying you might pop off any minute?
(Names and details been changed to protect identities.)
Next issue: Discernment and Normality
Jelila is an international healer, hypnotherapist and transformational guide who practices in Asia and Australia. She is now in Bali, offering inspiring transformational coaching, healing and workshops. Sessions are priced on a sliding scale, according to your ability to pay. Try/buy Jelilaâ€™s healing music at Cozy: Jl. Sunset Blok A/3, North Simpang Siur, near Kuta roundabout. Tel: 0361 766762. If you have a question you would like answered in this column, please write to Jelila at firstname.lastname@example.org. www.jelila.com. Tel: +62 (0) 81 239 43354.Filed under: Health