Winning the Season

By Jelila

The Bali Times

SEMINYAK ~ Discover how to compete successfully and win without putting too much pressure on yourself, and harmonize your relationships with siblings and peers, here.

Janine came to me wanting help with competitiveness. She felt unable to compete against her female peers, and instead retreated into the background as a wallflower at the first sign of competition. She was involved in a love triangle and felt the same feelings of unease and anxiety at needing to compete with the other woman and being second best.

Our patterns of behavior are strongly influenced by childhood and as adults we continue to play out unresolved stories of how we felt about our siblings and parents. We project our feelings about brother and sister onto male and female coworkers and friends respectively without realizing that our deep sense of unease is not about the present moment, but about how we felt as children.

Our position in the family (number-one or number-two child) and how we feel about that influences the position in life we are able to attain. If we feel we need to work hard to win love from our parents, competing with our siblings for a scarce resource, it makes us continually struggle and suffer to win the love we need for the rest of our lives. (When in actual fact, all the love we need is sitting there available within us all the time.) We do this in the work arena, striving to please our bosses, and struggling to please our partners, which makes for a very stressful life.

The following creative visualization meditation guides your subconscious mind to embrace some ideas about empathy and sharing.  Simply relax now and as you read it, imagine or sense the scene, to benefit from the harmonizing de-stressing effects deep within yourself.

Meditation – Stopwatch

Relax, breathe deeply and find yourself on the seashore by the opening of a cave. You walk into the cave, feeling sand and rocks beneath your feet.  On the walls are crystals embedded, and lights and you look around, touching them. In a moment, a waiter who is a combination of elf and mouse comes holding a white tea-towel and a silver tray and wearing white gloves. “Yes?” he says. “May I help you?” You whisper to him, and he nods and smiles, eyes wide, and guides you through an opening in the rocks where you see a delightful rocky swimming pool, open to the sky. Other people are swimming and playing there. You change into a costume and go for a swim. Enjoy the experience for as long as you wish. When ready, the elf looks at his large stopwatch and pushes down on the stopper, showing you how much time you have left. Notice how that feels and when ready, gently come back to the room.

Belief Change

This simple process guides you to release the subconscious beliefs mentioned here. Feel that your feet are connected to the ground. Invite all the parts of yourself to be present. Now say aloud:

I choose to believe “I am not all the love I need.”

I love myself when I believe “I am not all the love I need.”

And I embrace it, and I surrender.

Rest afterwards, drink water.

Other Beliefs:

(Do these with brother/sister as appropriate for you.)

I’m afraid of favoritism (note: fear of being the favorite or number one).

I resist being favorite or second-best.

I’m afraid of drying up, or not.

I’m afraid of numbers (note: includes fear of someone “doing a number” on you).

I’m afraid of heart attacks (note: includes fear of attacks on or from the feminine).

I resist love from my sister.

I’m not capable of fulfilling my expectations of myself.

I’m afraid I’m not able to fulfill my obligations here.

I feel insecure.

I must have to work really hard to be better than my sister and win love.

I’m afraid I’m not as good as my sister.

I feel anxious and needy.

Responsiveness of Father

Janine’s pattern of being in a love-triangle relationship where her needs were not being met fully by the man harked back to her relationship with her father. It transpired that she believed “my father is not responsive” as he was mostly not present/not interested. As a result, she attracted unresponsive or unavailable men, also her own inner masculine side tended to be unresponsive and not take action when she really needed to, resulting in stasis, and the physical world was unresponsive to her also. We changed this belief, and also that she believed her father was “there, but not there, and here, but not here,” which had a very great effect – this belief means that her father (and her partners, and physical worldly expressions) was ever-unattainable; wherever she moved to, he would always be somewhere else. Lastly, we harmonized the belief that her father was “strange and unconnected,” a belief-change that enabled her to connect her with her inner masculine active aspect more successfully so that her actions may better reflect her wishes feelings and desires.

Janine also had trouble with unresponsive friends, which upset her deeply as it pushed her old buttons about her father. We discovered that she deeply felt that she “was not capable of fulfilling her expectations of herself.” This led her to continually put herself under pressure to achieve impossible things in impossible deadlines, to attract friends who were actually not able to fulfill her expectations, and also to expect too much of others, frightening them away.

Postscript: Janine felt quite woozy as the energy in her aura shifted as we changed the deep ideas that she had unwittingly held since childhood, and she felt a great sense of relief, resolution and gratitude at finally understanding and releasing the patterns that had been causing her so much frustration and stress for so long.

Next issue: Go-Slow Issues

Jelila is a healing singer and intuitive guide, practicing in Asia and Australia. Now offering individual transformation sessions in Seminyak, Bali, at Wellbeing Spa, 66B Jalan Laksmana. Tel: +62 (0)361 735573.

If you have a problem, query or spiritual question you would like to be helped with in this column, please write to Jelila at

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