By Amy Chavez
For The Bali Times
You have two choices when it comes to eating Western food in Bali. One is to eat at a reputable restaurant with a chef from abroad and that has a menu full of so many familiar things you can hardly decide which to order. Many of these restaurants have done such a good job you may not even feel you are in Bali at all.
But for adventure diners out there with more diverse culinary tastes, or those who prefer a more challenging palate, I recommend some of the local restaurants. These are the only places where you can truly eat food that you, nor anyone else for that matter, has ever eaten before.
Here is the menu from one of my favorite local restaurants in Kuta that serves Mexican food â€” with a twist. Following the menu items, I have inserted my own explanations of their enticing offerings.
Ships and salsa.
If youâ€™ve never eaten a ship with your Mexican salsa, youâ€™ve really been missing out! Choose from our array of ships: cargo, tanker or cruise liner. Served topped with salsa. (Sorry, battleships no longer available).
Crispy corn fotilas chip, metted chisse, fresh salsa, repried bean, and spring onion.
We are the only restaurant that can fit so many ingredients onto one chip! We are known for our repried bean, which our cook will personally pry open each time with a crowbar before cooking and then repry each one just for good measure. Served with metted chisse, or cheese you have met before, salsa and one onion. (Only quality Kryptonite crowbars used.)
Bad of lettuce, crispy corn ship toped with meat avacado Corn ship and salsa sauce
â€œGoa Comoleâ€ is our guacamole cheer! Try our famous guacamole served on the worst lettuce in Asia. Youâ€™ll get that singular crispy corn chip covered with meat avocado which comes from our exclusive avocado-colored cows! All this is brought to you on a corn ship, still crispy, even after having crossed the seas from Mexico. After eating this dish, including the ship, youâ€™ll be shouting â€œGoa Comole! Goa Comole!â€ (No substitutions, please.)
Tow fried corn chip, bad of lettuce, meat seson, toped chisse with mexican rice into bean.
This fried corn chip missed the corn ship from Mexico, so weâ€™ve had it specially towed in! While waiting for the tow truck to arrive, our cook painstakingly stuffs meat, cheese and rice into each bean. Served on our famous bad lettuce.
Tow roll floor tortillas in side meat season toped chisse served with mexican rice and pinto bean.
This enchilada is rolled on the floor and towed to your table. It includes side meat, (not front meat or back meat) and is served topped with cheese, rice and a singular pinto bean. (Limit: one bean.)
The combination of encilada and taco served with pinto bean and mexican rice.
This combination platter is so big itâ€™s guaranteed to inflate you to enormous proportions. After you fill up with our taco and Mexican rice, eat that magic pinto bean and youâ€™ll feel yourself lift up out of our restaurant and in no time, youâ€™ll be off to Mexico! Goa Comole! Goa Comole!
Chilly corn carne
Stowed red bean with rich meat served with tow flour tortillas.
Try our new, cold corn meat! Through the cloning of corn and sheep, corn has become an animal, thus bringing you a fun new meat called â€œcold corn meat.â€ Our new dish promises to chill you to the bone on these hot Balinese nights. Weâ€™ll throw in some old stowed beans we had forgotten about and mix it with the richest, most expensive cattle we can find. Served with our flour tortillas towed in from Mexico. Youâ€™ll be shivering when you leave! (Market Price: varies depending on the price rich cattle are charging.)
Stuped baked potatoes
Mesh potatoes with bacon skin served with mini salad.
Youâ€™ll never have an intelligent potato here! Our stuped baked potatoes are so stupid, they have no brains left after we boil them and send them through mesh. Then we send our chefs, carrying potato peelers, out to the pig farm to shave off some pig skin. Includes a mini-salad. (Mini-salad may have a slightly higher IQ.)
We offer free parking â€” Costumers Only.
So if you are a true adventure diner, a person who likes to experience your food, donâ€™t pass up these smaller warungs that are clean, friendly and eager to please.
Overall, adventure dining in Indonesia is pretty safe because there is always a bottle of sambal on the table. Made from chili peppers, itâ€™s spicy enough to drown out any flavors you donâ€™t like and probably even has the powers to disinfect. And with its accompanying fiery-red appearance, almost any unappealing food can be dressed up for mental digestion. Donâ€™t like frog legs? Dress them up with sambal into artistic chili peppers. A little too much kangkung with your meal? Make it dance in your mouth with a coating of sambal. Now thatâ€™s adventure dining.
And if you want free adventure parking to go along with your meal, remember to wear your costume.Filed under: The Island