Spiritual Times – Teasing and Tormenting

By Jelila
For The Bali Times

SEMINYAK ~ Teasing and tormenting, something you might have experienced from your siblings as a child, or from a parent, is, interestingly, something that we do to ourselves first. Find out how to enjoy being kinder to yourself, here.

Case Study – Teasing & Tormenting

Dorothy had suffered a long time, with men who did not give her very much. They would dangle a treat – a pleasant outing, a foreign holiday together – then at the last minute, snatch it away, saying they couldn’t make it after all. This left Dorothy feeling disappointed, angry and frustrated.

I guided Dorothy in a visualization, to imagine floating inside her latest man’s body, to discover his point of view (you can try this too, with anyone you have difficulty understanding). It transpired Dorothy’s man was feeling down and useless and that his way of making himself feel more up and better, was to put Dorothy down and make her suffer. This pattern reflected Dorothy’s father, and suddenly she understood why she had always chosen men like this. “My father used to do the most awful things to me, and I just took it, and was nice to him. I could never understand how he could be so nasty.”

I explained that in that sentence, Dorothy had expressed the question “How could my father be so nasty?” – unfortunately, when you ask that, the Universe answers, “Like this – this is how,” and gives you more of it. I suggested Dorothy change that thought to “I wonder how my father can be kind?” Whether your father is still around or not, you can change the thought. Your “father” represents the whole physical world to you, not just your Dad; it is a powerful subconscious symbol.

Next we worked on Dorothy’s lack of willingness to retaliate, to stand up to her father, to stop him from harming her (this was the “wimpy” pattern she was in now, with men in her life). I guided Dorothy to say what tendencies in her father she despised. “Cruel, nasty,” she said. I asked her to visualize a person with those characteristics following her from a large room of people, into a garden, sitting with her. “Can you tell me a benefit from acting like this person?” I asked. Dorothy said: “To stop you getting hurt by others.” “So can you bite back now?” I asked. She nodded. Dorothy also embraced another character, “the good girl” – she had judgments about both her inner devil and inner angel which was keeping her ineffective, stuck in the middle. We need both, for balance – the devil to avoid being overrun or bullied, and the angel to avoid being harsh or selfish.

Going Deeper

Going back to the first pattern Dorothy described, about having nice things dangled before her and then snatched away, I asked if she could see situations where she did this to herself. She looked perplexed, then said, “Yes, I do. I often promise to buy something for myself and never do it.” That’s the same pattern, I explained. We changed the related beliefs, below, and Dorothy agreed to ponder on this pattern until her next session and see what she discovered. You can try this, too – are there any situations where you deprive yourself, or are nasty to yourself, to regain control?

Dorothy described temptation as ‘something we want, that we shouldn’t have.” “Why shouldn’t we have it?” I asked. She looked bemused. “Because we are not meant to have it, because it’s wrong or bad for us or could hurt us or somebody else.”

“So why do we want it then?” I asked.

Hurt=enjoying myself (this belief arises when you are innocently having fun playing, and a parent comes out of nowhere and smacks you).

This whole pattern is a bit like when parents hit their kids – the parent feels inadequate and out of control, so they hit the child, to regain their feeling of control. It is a way of beating yourself up. We do not need to do this. It’s better to embrace that we feel out of control, and allow that to be ok.

Try this simple meditation – simply feel, hear, or imagine the first thing that comes to you to enjoy it.

Meditation – Choice of Expression

Relax, breathe, imagine yourself playing ping-pong in a dusty table at the youth club after hours. Notice who your opponent is. Play the game. Ask for help, or special powers, from angels and guides. Play it different ways. Enjoy whatever happens. Rerun it and replay it anyway you want. Give yourself permission. Notice how you feel. Continue until you achieve your desired result. When you are ready, gently return.

Belief Change:

Use this simple, powerful process to release deep beliefs and free yourself:

Connect with the active, Masculine part of yourself and invite it to be present. Invite in the feeling Feminine, the playful Child, the wise Higher Self and say aloud:

I choose to believe “I must stay in control.”

I love myself when I believe “I must stay in control.”

And I embrace it, and I surrender.

Take it slowly, rest afterwards, drink water.

Repeat the process for each of these (especially do any that you feel resistant to, or are sure are not you).

I’m afraid I won’t make it this time, or not.

I feel down and useless.

I won’t motivate myself, really.

It’s not ok to be nasty.

I enjoy temptation.

I’m nasty to myself when I need to stop myself from temptation, or when I feel out of control, or unsafe.

I am not meant to want myself. Wanting is wrong.

I’m afraid I am wanting, or not.

Revenge is sweet.

It’s not safe or ok to be out of control.

I will not permit myself.

Next issue: Being Ready

Jelila practices healing in Bali at Wellbeing Spa, Jl. Laksmana 66B, Seminyak. Tel: +62 (0)361 735573. Music/Blog online: www.myspace.com/jelilajelilala. If you have a question you would like help with in this column, please write to Jelila at jelila@jelila.com.

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