Bali Man Unveils Site to Best Facebook, Twitter

BEDUGUL ~ Longtime Bali expatriate Clumpo O’Murphy unveiled on Thursday a combined social-networking and microblogging website he claimed would top established, “horse-manure”-laden rivals Facebook and Twitter.

The new site, C*R*A*P*, went live at 12pm on Thursday at and contained powerful filter software designed to weed out users’ inane comments, O’Murphy said.

“There’s no, ‘I’m feeling soooo happy,’ or ‘I love the world,’ or ‘My friends love me’ or ‘I’m wondering what to have for dinner’ crap here,” the 37-year-old former industrial sewer technician told The Bali Times at his firm’s bamboo-fusion headquarters in the central Bali highlands of Bedugul.

“In fact, there’s no crap at all on C*R*A*P* – that’s the beauty of it, and we’re confident of robust user growth as we move forward,” he said.

As of Thursday evening, the site had not registered any users, however, and – like Facebook and Twitter – it was unclear how the newly minted internet company would generate any revenue.

“We’re not having ads; they give me brainache. And we’re not charging for entry to the site, cos no one would pay anyway. So we don’t have any incoming revenue streams, but we’re still confident of solid future earnings,” said O’Murphy, a Balinese of Ugandan extraction whose Kampala-born father runs a glass-eye shop in Tuban, near the airport (cut out this story for 95-percent discount, said O’Murphy).

Instead, C*R*A*P* was exploring charging users to hurl insults at each other, via the site’s moderator, fellow Balinese Phinneas McFoggery.

“Our name comes from Childish Rants at People, and cos a lot of people are afraid to insult each other, we’ll do that for them – for a flat fee. Say, US$5.99 a shot,” said O’Murphy.

As part of an emerging marketing strategy to develop the embryonic online venture, he said the next two people who signed up to use the service would get a free set of sapphire-blue glass eyes, presented in a “special-edition, velvet-lined carved case,” along with a bonus left-side prosthetic ear, in a bag.

“Dad does a side trade in artificial ears, and it seemed a natural fit to help promote my new business,” he said.

The father of four sets of quadruplets with his Balinese wife Crusten, from Denpasar, said the idea for the daring new project came about after months of “reading crap postings” on hugely popular Facebook, which last week signed up its 200-millionth user, and fellow internet sensation Twitter, which lets users when they are away from their computers communicate in real-time via their cellphones.

“I’ve had enough of their crap,” said the entrepreneur. “Now I have me own.”

Filed under: Arts & Entertainment

One Response to “Bali Man Unveils Site to Best Facebook, Twitter”

  1. Danika Says:

    I appreciated this article on Craplife…although not for the info re the Facebook alternative, but for the reference to the glass eye shop in Tuban. I’m in desperate need of a glass eye, but can’t find a listing in the local directories, nor anyone around who knows anything about it. Could you possibly send me Mr. O’Murphy’s email? Or the name of the eye store?

    Thanks so much,