May 22-28, 2009


Been Laden: Tutek snapped by a tourist with a cellphone camera moments before the pothole plunge.

Egg-Laden Motorbike in Scrambled Calamity

SANUR ~ Eminent chicken-egg wholesaler Ketut Tutek lost all 2,836 ovums aboard his converted perambulator when his journey was arrested on Monday by rare wind sheer that sent him spiralling into a cavernous pothole.

The incident occurred on Sanur’s shop-riddled Jl. Danau Tamblingan and resulted in the sizeable crater being filled by the eggs’ contents, local police chief Barney Yenrab said.

“And sure, with the thrashing about of Tutek in the hole and the heat of the midday sun, it quickly turned into a large omelette that was enjoyed by all,” he said.
“With a bit of sambal, very tasty.”


Court ‘Puzzled’ by Policeman Bribery Case

DENPASAR ~ Judges at the Denpasar District Court said they were “puzzled” by the case of a policeman accused of bribing a passing tourist, as the trial resumed on Wednesday.

“I mean, what next?” presiding judge Bonobo Bobo Subiobo said, “a troupe of performing monkeys?”

Subiobo took over the case after previous presiding judge Huberto Peco was unable to attend, amid allegations of late-night carousing at Denpasar karaoke halls.

Policeman Kadek Mungku is accused of handing over Rp50,000 to a passing Frenchwoman, Simone de Bouvier, during an impromptu roadside licence check by officers.

Prosecutors said the defendant was suffering from a “crisis of confidence.”

Meanwhile, Subiobo adjourned the case, saying he was going to “think about it.”

Reached by telephone at her Perpignan summer residence, de Bouvier confirmed the incident and said she felt sorry for the policeman.

“He was so sweet,” she said. “I hope he doesn’t end up in the slammer.”


Facebook Users Clinically Braindead: Study

LEGIAN ~ The majority of users of social-networking site Facebook are clinically braindead, a study released this week found.

It said researchers concluded that following a survey of postings on the popular website, there was “little or no brain activity,” the peer-reviewed study conducted by Harvard University’s Internet Department for Social Sciences said.

“It is clear that with the sheer volume of gibberish and drivel posted on Facebook, there is a vast chasm of intelligent thought,” the study’s lead author, Dr. Hamish Barnicle, said.



Dedicated: Utup squeezes an egg out of a chicken ahead of another round of pun-filled omelette-making, yesterday.

Hotel Omelette-Maker Unfazed by Guests’ Puns

CANDIDASA ~ Resident breakfast buffet omelette-maker at the Candidasa Beach Inn Putu Utup said on Wednesday she was not put off by an unceasing barrage of guests’ puns at her gastronomic skill.

“This morning I had, ‘She’s eggspert at making omelettes,’ ‘She knows eggactly how to do it’ and ‘Eggsceedingly good,” she said.

Geneva-trained Utup, 83, is also renowned for her ability in the field of fried eggs, and draws a sizeable local patronage to the hotel, which has gained a reputation for attracting wittily minded clientele from the Bratislavian city of Grassalkovich.


Expat, Living Locally, Has Smug Thought

KEROBOKAN ~ Local expatriate resident Dandelion O’Brien had a smug thought on Wednesday, that he was above the rest of his émigré compatriots because he had long-since opted to “live locally,” he said.

“Just like the impoverished people that live around me, I too exist on a diet of government-subsidised rice and rinds of charred bacon smeared in lashings of red-hot chilli,” the 44-year-old Australian said.

The self-righteous contemplation – which O’Brien deemed put him far above “whining” expatriates in Bali who purportedly endlessly moan about supplies and prices of imported foodstuffs – lasted approximately two and a half minutes, a record, O’Brien reported.


Negara Shaken, Rattled, Rolled by Quake

NEGARA ~ The west Bali enclave of Negara was shaken, rattled and rolled by a magnitude-4.5 earthquake that struck in the early hours of Tuesday, authorities said.

There were no known causalities or structural damage due to the temblor.

However, several people wearing big grins reported that the earth had finally moved for them and local beautician Dele Chinwe Ladejobi-Ukwu said a hairdryer fell off a shelf in her salon and scalped a passing monkey.


Bar in Brawl

KUTA ~ A bar started a brawl on Wednesday night, street beggars reported.

Local vagrant Concepción Angelica said she understood the bar was “upset at having become a venue for tattooed louts and was feeling unloved.”

Two customers sustained light injuries in the mêlée and police said they had taken the gaudily decked-out bar into custody for questioning.

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